Fake News from Forum Participants

[cincinnatus]

Cincinnatus left for a deployment to Guam and after 14 months of sweating non stop logged back into the forum and was flagged by the department of homeland defense because of the amount of stories posted by Azeri. They thought that the forum had become a Persian news forum due to the amount of Iranian news and cultural posts. After logging in the google bot sent a message to SATCOM which designated him a threat to US security and he was court martialed for being a subversive. He is now doing hard labor flying drone missions from a detention facility in Poland. Good news, the weather is much better there.

Actually, they pay me to monitor Azeri's posts, as he clearly is the IRGC webmaster. Too bad I can't meet his stereotype of knuckle-dragging Ameri-Viking warmongers intent on raping and pillaging the Persian Utopia.

BTW, I'd choose Guam over where I have to actually go in a heartbeat! Hell, I still have until tomorrow to choose retirement over the assignment to D.C. that we never wanted.

[Torchwood]

Meanwhile Hoosiernorm has been trying to sell high culture to Hoosiers. To make it palatable, the results are a bit confusing. He cooked some friends boeuf en daube à l'Alsacienne , with extra fries and of course Dorritos. He bought himself an Alfa Romeo sedan, but with a gun rack.

He has taken to muttering funny Yankee words like Weltanschauung, Rosenzweig, not to mention Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. People are worried about him, and have taken to sending him deep frozen broccoli quiches to cheer him up.

[Hoosiernorm]

It's been a down hill slide since I stopped eating deep fried foods sold on a stick. Too many state fairs have been missed. I even complained about how many carbs are in an ear of corn (The Indiana State Flower and State Food).

I've been thinking about putting a basketball hoop up in the driveway just as a diversion to my closet lifestyle. Having boxes of French wine delivered at night has been a risk and I'm worried the neighbors are on to me.

The Alfa is really not a factor since I told the neighbors that I was misled to believe that I was purchasing a 73 Camaro but was lied to by the seller who was a foreigner.

Now if I could only find a good meth lab to cover for my cheese making activities I may be able to sleep a little better at night.

[Sparky]

Having lost tenure at his university owing to being one of the primary architects of Portugal joining the Euro, Endovelico has fled to the east, absconding with funds from several union pension funds.

After entering Poland dressed as a Catholic bishop, lest his usual garb consisting of a rumpled Mao suit and a red starred ushanka cause him to be torn apart by enraged ex members of the worker-peasant alliance, he is building a restaurant near the ruins of the Lenin steelworks in Nowa Huta, hoping to fan the dying embers of socialism back into a fierce, red blaze.


The rest of the menu:
http://img195.imageshack.us/img195/3290/km2t.png
http://img651.imageshack.us/img651/3939/km3b.png
http://img193.imageshack.us/img193/209/km4.png

If it takes off, he plans to return to less frosty climes and open the Greater Southern European Democratic People's Co-Prosperity Sphere Worker's Paella Palace in Barcelona.

[Mr. Perfect]

Hoosier on a whim probably induced by stolen otc painkillers finally submits one of his thousands of gay erotica pieces to a top gay porn production company and makes a million dollars in royalties after near record sales. Stunned he hides the money in his backyard only to have it stolen by meth addicts with "divining rods", who end up dead later on after a month due to a meth spree induced spontaneous combustion. Surprisingly, he is able to spin the turn of events into a new gay porn movie based on thieving meth addicts who raid midwest farms using "divining rods", which we cannot summarize further for obvious reasons, butt he makes another million dollars.

Both record setting pornos together make him a legend in the industry, to his obvious delight I mean horror and to date he has not figured out how to explain the million dollars to his family and church or why he is constantly beset by high paying requests to officiate in gay marriages.

[Hoosiernorm]

I could have never known that "50 bales of hay" would be so popular.

[Mr. Perfect]

When you're on the pulse you're on the pulse.

[Mr. Perfect]

Ymix is beset with a deluge of phone calls by attorneys from young women ferocious over his callous impregnation and abandonment of said women, who have filed a class action law suit seeking child support and emotional damages.

Baffled, Ymix eagerly asks for and receives a request for paternity testing, thinking this is a stunt pulled by his internet adversary Mr. Perfect, a prank based on Ymix's "sedate nature", ie who would Ymix ever impregnate, right?

At the court date Ymix smugly awaits the verdict, somewhat bothered by the gallery of gorgeous women seething at him for some strange reason. He finds it baffling, what is in it for these gorgeous women to play along with such a stunt, all these women, is MP paying them or what? As he gazes one girl mistakes it for eye contact and whispers "call me", to Ymix's disturbance. Why would he call a girl?

The verdict is in and Ymix is determined to be the father of dozens of children born to gorgeous eastern european women and the Judge (being european) slaps him on the wrist and tells him to be nice. The judge states that any financial penalty could damage Ymix's self esteem so he is let go with no penalty. The courtroom explodes with female outrage but it subsides as the women realize that as Europeans they don't believe in things like moral absolutes but either way ymix is escorted out the back by unarmed European guards.

Bewildered, and after days of reflection, Ymix finally acts on a hunch, installing a remote camera on himself. The next morning he reviews the footage and finds that he woke up in the night, dressed in outrageously sexy nightclubbing attire and hit the strip. He tears up the dance floor in ways not seen since the peak years of John Travolta as gorgeous women swoon and throw themselves at him. Half a dozen follow him to the hotel where he defiles them one after the other, and after he wears them all out he finds his way home.

No wonder I'm so tired and sedate all the time he thinks, and is so disturbed by his behavior he immediately calls the government paid for psychiatric services for evaluation. They create a new definition for his behavior, "passive aggressive breeding syndrome" and put him in jail for breaking recently passed (since his trial) excessive breeding laws.

His Jekyll Hyde personality makes international news and catches the attention of one David Goldman, international fertility expert, and the government commissions Mr. Goldman who keeps calling himself Spengler to study this deviant and make reports. Spengler finds this case to be the most fascinating thing he's ever seen and drops everything else to make the study of Ymix his life's work, as he is granted unlimited access to the jailed Ymix. Ymix discovers there is a god and he is in hell.

[Hoosiernorm]

When you got it you got it

[YMix]

Oh, yeah, baby! See me dance!

Nice work, Mr. Perfect. Good thing I like Europe, though.

[Torchwood]

near the ruins of the Lenin steelworks in Nowa Huta

Still going, I'm afraid, now owned by Indian guru Lakshmi Mittal, aka Ferrous Steelfinger.

Oh Capitalism...

[Azrael]

We haven't heard from Cleaning Lady in a while. As it turns out, she's been quite busy.

[Hoosiernorm]

Wonder if she was listening to this?

[Simple Minded]

This morning I realized that the general content, intelligence level, emotional maturity, and general rationality of all my previous posts have been negatively effected by the color of my tower, monitor, and keyboard. In the interest of sensitivity, and not offending other computers that may be reading this post, the color shall not be stated.

But hey! This is the information Age, right? There has to be an instantaneous solution to pretty much everything we can imagine, right?

After searching the internet, and assuming my computer was not aware of my inner most thoughts, a quick trip to Lowes, Home Depot, and Tru Value was in order. After searching in vain for spray paint in the colors of Intellectual, Enlightened, Senstive, Quick as a Whip, or even Above Average, I settled on orange.

Now that I have a tiger tower, monitor, and keyboard, you should all raise your expectations of my contributions on this site.

Just try and keep up now.....

[Hoosiernorm]

Miss_Faucie_Fishtits Marries Batboy during the Comicon convention. The bride wore a princess leia slave outfit (She didn't think anyone would buy her wearing white). The groom dressed in a handsome Han Solo outfit designed by Versace. They are planning to honeymoon in Idaho.

Miss_Faucie_Fishtits and the Wedding Minister pictured above.

[Miss_Faucie_Fishtits]

Cosplay theme was an inspired decision. As you can see, no one was gonna buy me anything - and I'm cheap.....;p........