On the Nature of Things

The most disheartening release from the Epstein files.

This guy's all over it.

Another Hollywood star, one that I once respected, has fallen.

Typhoon wrote: ↑03 Jan 2026 18:24 Defector | What Did "We" Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?

Was this the face that launch'd a thousand ships,
And burnt the topless towers of Ilium?
Sweet Helen, make me immortal with a kiss.
Her lips suck forth my soul: see where it flies!
Come, Helen, come, give me my soul again.
Here will I dwell, for heaven is in these lips,
And all is dross that is not Helena.

~ The Tragical History of Doctor Faustus [1604] by Christopher Marlowe

"My dear friends of Iran,
For years, people told me, 'Mr. President, you don't understand the Mahdi.'

And I said, 'You're right. Nobody understands the Mahdi better than the people who understand the Mahdi. Tremendous people. Great understanding.'

But now, after many late-night meetings, many experts, the best experts, some of whom may or may not exist, I finally understand.

The Mahdi is about the final battle.
And suddenly everything made sense.
The world is controlled by evil forces.
The stock market? Evil forces.
The media? Evil forces.
Parking tickets? Definitely evil forces.

Airport coffee prices? The worst evil forces you've ever seen.

And according to this theory, the only way to achieve peace is through one gigantic final conflict that destroys everything first.

At first I thought this was crazy.
Then I looked at Washington.
Then I looked at the internet.
Then I looked at Congress.

And I thought: maybe we're already halfway there.
So today I announce a historic partnership.

America and Iran.
Together.

Not to prevent the apocalypse.
Not to avoid the apocalypse.
But to finally get organized about it.

For too long nations have been preparing for Armageddon independently. Very inefficient. A disaster of management.
We're going to coordinate.

We'll create the Department of Mutual Catastrophe.
We'll have committees.
Subcommittees.
Task forces.
A Strategic End-of-the-World Advisory Board.
The best board.
Everybody will fight.
Nobody will know exactly why.

And after decades of destruction, confusion, shortages, and paperwork...
Peace will finally arrive and ask:
'What on earth were you people doing?'
To which humanity will reply:
'Honestly, we're not entirely sure.'

My Iranian friends, whether we stand on opposite sides or the same side no longer matters.

The important thing is that everyone remains equally confused.

Because if there is one thing all civilizations can agree on, it is this:

The road to wisdom apparently requires us first to drive straight into a ditch.

Thank you.
God bless America.
God bless Iran.